What Women Need?

I want to share some thoughts about women from men perspective in general. I can’t speak about particular woman as this is rather generalization for common sense. It’s strange that I recently got stumbled into men and women psychology topics, having read from books, article in Reddit, and experience my self, and I found it is interesting in a sense that having understanding about why women act in particular way could lead to how men position himself to better treat them as a woman, as a human. Why this is important because I think majority of men, including myself, fail to understand their primary needs which is resulting to not able to fulfill them and eventually become problematic in a relationship.

Women have needs, not wants. Their primary needs are comfort, sex, and validation. These needs won’t necessarily come from one person, and often are delegated amongst individuals and social groups. On the other hand, men have wants, and rarely have needs. We want success, strong body, power, money, fame, friends, and of course, sex. What is the different between wants and needs? Wants are something you can’t never get enough. If men have money, they will work harder to earn more even if they don’t really need that much money, it’s just a desire to want more and more. Needs are something you can’t live without. Something that once they’re fulfilled you don’t need anything more.

When a woman says she wants to feel safe, she want to open up emotionally with someone who loves her. She want to be listened. It is not uncommon fact that women tend to talk more often compare to men in private conversation -like negotiation or personal relationship, or in short, emotional talk. That’s why researcher said a woman has ‘beta orbiters’ or bestiesOften times beta orbiters are men, it could be from someone who is her manor just-another-nice-guy-who-i-can-talk-to. She does with her female too of course -but only with her best friend, because most women don’t actually trust most other women. As a grown up men, you don’t have to be beta orbiters to have women talked to you emotionally. Ever. However you do want her to feel comfortable around you. That’s why men need to set up a boundary of what qualities that make them rise better then her beta orbiters. I was thought that when approaching women, always keep in mind to make her feel that whatever you want for her is actually win-win. Do not lower yourself because of the-so-called out of league women, or put your self in a superior position so that you have tendency for one night stand. Either way is bad choice.

I can’t talk much about the second need, but having read from many sources say that one of the common perception among people is believing women do not want sex. They do need sex as much as men do. Problem is society has been consistently saying that women should not be too apparent to show her sexual interest over men, otherwise they will be judged as an ill-repute women. I rather agree of this approach though. I personally think that way make them more attractive. I don’t know.

When a woman says she want someone to treat her right, to give her compliment, or to be aware of her appearance, she’s talking about validation. Jessica Velanti, a proud feminist, once complained about consistent cat calls out on the street in one article, but one year later, she blames society for making her miss it. That’s because she needs validation. The reason why instagram is flooded with women selfies, wefie, or her best pose is because instagram provide them instant validation using the number of likes and comments. They feel more validated to have your pictures lauded. The same reason why women tend to be attracted into men with power (handsome, money, fame, designation, etc) because she feel more validated when she’s noticed with the success of her man. Internally, women are insecure because society tell them to be everything and nothing at the same time. And since women live with the outside validation, it’s the constant encouragement and holding-back from society that make them confused. Sadly this is how our society works. I personally think that women need of validation is not a bad thing. It is how they manage the feeling is crucial. Husband is even obliged to give his wife constant compliments, in other word, validations.

Lastly, I think I learn a lot knowing about these stuff, Human psychology is amazing. Blame biology if you think they are wrong.

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